Life, at its best and worst, can be boiled down to adventuring. What you do with the potential for adventure, though, is up to you.

Part of me constantly wants to take up the adventure but who wants to adventure alone? I keep having people tell me that I will make new friends and meet all kinds of new people, and I know that this is true - I just need a bit of time to process the friendships of the last four years. I feel like our culture is not one that is accepting of grief that oftentimes comes with change. People do not know how to help others when they are hurting, so they play it off by telling you of all the great things to come.

The last four years have taught me what it is to have friends who are incredibly firm in their faith; both through action and word. This has been one of the most incredible blessings along with the marks each friendship has left in my life. I don't have words to really describe the ups and downs of leaving and saying so many goodbyes. I try to hope for 'see you laters,' but how can you anticipate when the next time you see someone will be? This summer started with saying goodbye to Kyle and Kirsti. I still don't know when the next time I will see them is - and they're family!

The thought of people's lives changing without me being there to participate in those friendships is frightening to me. I realized today that I have probably been pushed so far away (and I have most definitely been pushed to Cairo) because I have invested too much of my self-worth in relationships with other people. I am afraid to be disappointed. That is the part of the adventure that I wish would never happen. As I have reflected on my time in Costa Rica, I realized that I was hurt by people who did not keep in touch that I had expected to do so. So I have lately been trying to wean myself of expectations but it hurts almost as much to not expect anyone to keep tabs on me and want our friendships to grow.

Adventure time. It's all the ups and downs. All the people who have graced your life with their presence. Memories to hold on to, but not desperately cling to. I think I will be living off of this list of 'emergency numbers' my friend Jo from HKIS posted on her blog for the next few months (and years).

This weekend has been incredible.

In church this morning, Ryan was preaching about blessings. So often people ask God to bless them, but for what? What do we do with the blessings bestowed on us? Look at Genesis 12 - Blessings are bestowed upon us so that we bless other people. Simple examples: you will be happier if you take your money or time and give it to others than hoard it to yourself.

This sermon came after a weekend full of time filled with some amazing friends. Sometimes it is hard knowing that I will not always have easy access to the people I am close to now. Even this summer, I have to drive to Cour d'Alene to see one of my better friends. An hour away, but far enough to be obnoxious when both of you work vastly different schedules.

Even with this new end coming closer and closer, I cannot help but be so grateful for the time I have had in Spokane and these friends. I know that friendships fizzle out, especially once the inconvenience of distance and time difference start, but sometimes it is so hard for me to accept that I may only hear from people once a month or less because of being so far 'out of sight and out of mind'. That is the one thing about moving to Cairo that scares me: not that I will be in danger because of violence or politics, but that I will be alone without people I consider close friends keeping tabs on me. It is kind of ironic that the point where I am leaving is the point where I for once really do not want to leave.

These friendships have been the most incredible blessing to me. And how have I acted in return? Quite selfishly, to be honest. I think that this weekend really reminded me of exactly who I am. I've been focused on how people see me; what their opinions are of me. I got to hang out with so many good friends, laughing about ridiculous things, talking about important things, doing things that I have always had so much fun doing and just haven't for the longest time and being able to take a bit of time to myself as well. Giving and receiving time is so important and really, in my estimation, can't be beat. I think I'm going to start shifting my focus because really, it's not about me; it's about others and about Christ.

Visit me on the west side? There until August! 

G.K. Chesterton and a new style of adventuring

A bit of reflection on these last three weeks post-graduation.

Firstly, I am so ridiculously happy that I ended up traveling. I learned so much and I have come out of it with an even stronger friendship with Laura than I had before.

The hostel wall in London had a bunch of quotes, this one has changed my perspective on traveling: "The whole object of travel is not to set foot on foreign land; it is at last to set foot on one's own country as a foreign land." - G.K. Chesterton. I want to start discovering what the United States has to offer: I want to go back to Alaska in the spring to watch the ice melt, finally visit the grand canyon, go hiking for a few days in the cascades, see the Palouse, go rafting. I'm excited about it.

Thus, these are my new additions to my bucket list:

1. fly on a prop plane over ice fields as they break up in the spring and summer.
2. go back to Ireland, rent a car and go to Doolin, Belfast, the Dingle Peninsula, Donegal and the Giant's Causeway. 
3. Visit Prague, Budapest, Moscow and St. Petersburg.

These are random things I wrote down about my trip:

• I have been blessed by people over the last four years, how can I even doubt that there will not be more blessings and people who will be coming in and out of my life? 
• The Irish flag represents the Catholics (green) and Protestants (orange) and the white in the middle of the flag represents peace between the two groups.
• Rainy and cold seems to be a valid description for Irish weather; unless it is one of those times when it is ridiculously sunny and 80 degrees as the majority of our trip was. 
• When I get somewhere new, I have a tendency to freak out, therefore, I need to always travel with someone who tells me (kindly) to get over it and get me out of my hostel so that I am oriented to my surroundings. 
• You can buy extravagently priced peanuts from the United States in the Rejkjavik airport. You might also meet very kind Icelandic people at airline information desks who upgrade you to first class because the airline overbooked your flight.
• When traveling, you will have the most incredibly random connections with people that lead to small world moments. I met someone who studied last semester in Sweden with a friend of mine and another girl who went to Georgetown with a girl I played rugby with. 
• Apparently, after 10 hours of traveling, I look like I am too young to travel on my own. At least that's the vibe I got off of the disbelief of the US Immigration officer in Seattle when I said I was traveling alone. 

Deep thoughts: I have realized that I have this expectation for myself to do amazing things, affect many people and be needed/not forgotten by people. As I look at this, I have realized that I consistently try to figure everything out on my own. Trusting God and other people to help me and not just disappear seems to be one of the hardest thing for me to do. I guess that is reflected in my need and desire to have everything planned so that I know that I have enough money and security in knowing where I am going next and what I am doing. It is a trait so central to who I am and is reflected in a lot of different areas in my life. Moving to Egypt is, in a sense, going to be the first real test in my ability to trust God to take care of me in a very uncertain situation with a lot of unknowns. I do not know why he is sending me there, but I know that it is where I need to be next year and when I find myself becoming fearful or anxious about what I will do the year afterwards, I find myself able to stop and breath, remembering that I will be taken care of, no matter what.