Being the last one to leave is not something that most of my peers have experienced, but seems to have become somewhat of a norm for me these past four years. Each year, I have watched my parents pack up, and more often than not been the one to drive them to the airport to fly back to Guangzhou. Usually, it's the parents who say goodbye to their children each year as they leave home and head back to school. I can empathize with parents whose children go to school far enough away that they only come home periodically during the year; is that strange for someone my age?

The last few weeks have been filled with family and friends, adding a bit of a bittersweet end to the 'college experience.' My last two month long summer is ending next Wednesday as I head to orientation in Pennsylvania for a week and than Cairo on the 16th. With that comes this incredible mixture of emotions. Part of me is so excited to go and so impatient to sit here waiting. Part of me has been so thankful for the time with my parents and extended family. Part of me cannot believe that I managed to survive doing something with people every day (minus two) that I was in Spokane (not in a bad way - I am so incredibly thankful for the time that I had with friends).

It is very bittersweet leaving. I know that it would not be much different were I staying in Washington, unless I were in Spokane or Coeur d'Alene, but sometimes it scares me that I don't even have the opportunity to spend time with people during the year. Already, just leaving for the West side of the state, I have lost touch with quite a few people, including some that I really thought would keep in touch. This on top of being afraid of the ramifications of the revolution that happened in Cairo a year and a half ago have made me more than a little bit anxious about going.

Packing in an already empty house is hard. It makes you reflect a lot and think about things that are important. What do you keep, what do you throw away? Life after college is terrifying. And so exciting. Sometimes I feel more than a bit unsure of myself, but I know that I have been pointed directly to working with MCC in Cairo for the year. Yes, it may be dangerous and I may be threatened, but I am going to really need to learn to trust that God will take care of me in every situation.



Side and almost completely unrelated note: I have discovered that chick-flicks are NOT your friend in cases where you are flying off to some far-away country for the year. They make you wish that people would appear at your doorstep to see you off or spend the last few days with you. It is SO frustrating wishing that this would happen. 

Life, at its best and worst, can be boiled down to adventuring. What you do with the potential for adventure, though, is up to you.

Part of me constantly wants to take up the adventure but who wants to adventure alone? I keep having people tell me that I will make new friends and meet all kinds of new people, and I know that this is true - I just need a bit of time to process the friendships of the last four years. I feel like our culture is not one that is accepting of grief that oftentimes comes with change. People do not know how to help others when they are hurting, so they play it off by telling you of all the great things to come.

The last four years have taught me what it is to have friends who are incredibly firm in their faith; both through action and word. This has been one of the most incredible blessings along with the marks each friendship has left in my life. I don't have words to really describe the ups and downs of leaving and saying so many goodbyes. I try to hope for 'see you laters,' but how can you anticipate when the next time you see someone will be? This summer started with saying goodbye to Kyle and Kirsti. I still don't know when the next time I will see them is - and they're family!

The thought of people's lives changing without me being there to participate in those friendships is frightening to me. I realized today that I have probably been pushed so far away (and I have most definitely been pushed to Cairo) because I have invested too much of my self-worth in relationships with other people. I am afraid to be disappointed. That is the part of the adventure that I wish would never happen. As I have reflected on my time in Costa Rica, I realized that I was hurt by people who did not keep in touch that I had expected to do so. So I have lately been trying to wean myself of expectations but it hurts almost as much to not expect anyone to keep tabs on me and want our friendships to grow.

Adventure time. It's all the ups and downs. All the people who have graced your life with their presence. Memories to hold on to, but not desperately cling to. I think I will be living off of this list of 'emergency numbers' my friend Jo from HKIS posted on her blog for the next few months (and years).

This weekend has been incredible.

In church this morning, Ryan was preaching about blessings. So often people ask God to bless them, but for what? What do we do with the blessings bestowed on us? Look at Genesis 12 - Blessings are bestowed upon us so that we bless other people. Simple examples: you will be happier if you take your money or time and give it to others than hoard it to yourself.

This sermon came after a weekend full of time filled with some amazing friends. Sometimes it is hard knowing that I will not always have easy access to the people I am close to now. Even this summer, I have to drive to Cour d'Alene to see one of my better friends. An hour away, but far enough to be obnoxious when both of you work vastly different schedules.

Even with this new end coming closer and closer, I cannot help but be so grateful for the time I have had in Spokane and these friends. I know that friendships fizzle out, especially once the inconvenience of distance and time difference start, but sometimes it is so hard for me to accept that I may only hear from people once a month or less because of being so far 'out of sight and out of mind'. That is the one thing about moving to Cairo that scares me: not that I will be in danger because of violence or politics, but that I will be alone without people I consider close friends keeping tabs on me. It is kind of ironic that the point where I am leaving is the point where I for once really do not want to leave.

These friendships have been the most incredible blessing to me. And how have I acted in return? Quite selfishly, to be honest. I think that this weekend really reminded me of exactly who I am. I've been focused on how people see me; what their opinions are of me. I got to hang out with so many good friends, laughing about ridiculous things, talking about important things, doing things that I have always had so much fun doing and just haven't for the longest time and being able to take a bit of time to myself as well. Giving and receiving time is so important and really, in my estimation, can't be beat. I think I'm going to start shifting my focus because really, it's not about me; it's about others and about Christ.

Visit me on the west side? There until August!